Shame On Me if You Fooled Me Thrice
by Ruse07
Summary: Solona Amell has lived a life full of betrayal. First her family, then Jowan and finally Alistair. Follow through a brief look at the life she has led and the ending of it all.


**Title: **Shame On Me if You Fooled Me Thrice

**Genre: **Angst/Drama

**Author: **Ruse07

**Beta: **None

**Summary: **Solona Amell has lived a life full of betrayal. Follow a brief look at the life she has led and the ending of it all.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Dragon Age: Origins. That belongs to Bioware in all it's greatness.

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Dragon Age: Origins Fanfiction

Shame On Me if You Fooled Me Thrice

Solona had first felt the cold hand of betrayal when she had first been abandoned at the Circle of Magi at the mere age of five. She could still remember riding in the old wooden boat, kicking and screaming for her mother to _just please come back,_ and how she _wouldn't ever do magic again, _if they would just _take her back!_

Her family was nowhere to be found, abandoning their daughter as soon as she was in Templar hands. They had walked away and never looked back. The Amells no longer had a daughter, and Solona swore to never use that name again.

The second time Solona had tasted betrayal was when Jowan had introduced her to Lily. After all the those years spent together, growing up side by side, sticking up for each other when the older mages had picked on them for being the smallest, the youngest, the least talented were for naught.

Solona had strove to learn the art of magic, Jowan at her side through all their trials. Through trial and error they had taught themselves their Maker given art, and Solona rose to be one of the best mages ever produced from the Circle. Jowan had fallen behind, but it didn't stop Solona from assisting her friend, stepping back, purposely failing tests to make him look good. She knew he would of done the same for her.

Even when she had passed her Harrowing, she had continual faith that Jowan would soon follow her into full magehood. She had always believed in Jowan, trusted him with her secrets, loved him since they had met and he had been assigned to watch over her.

Then Lily had come along and Solona's world had begun to crumble from beneath her very feet. Suddenly, Jowan wanted to run away from the Circle, from his home for the past twenty years, from _her._

And Solona, young, kind and caring Solona had helped the man she secretly loved.

They devised a plan to escape. Using her newfound Mage status Solona procured a Rod of Fire to break the locks of the basement. Through guardians and ancient artifacts they fought. When Jowan's phylactery was shattered on the floor, Solona felt a sense of despair. When they ascended those stairs she would lose Jowan forever.

Their plan had been thwarted. The Templars and Irvine were waiting for them at the top.

The knife of betrayal was dug deeper when Jowan used blood magic.

He had sworn, had _promised_ her that he hadn't dabbled. The evidence of the dead Templars had been all to damning.

Solona had awoke alone, her fate as a Grey Warden having already been decided.

Jowan had ripped out her heart and stomped it to mush.

She swore on that day that she would never love again.

Until _he_ came. Alistair, her knight in shining armor. Never mind that he had once been a Templar. Solona had accepted their role in her life years ago. In fact, her journey would of have lacking if she had been completely free. A life of being watched had made Solona nervous of her own power, and with Alistair she felt safe in her own skin.

Slowly, he cracked his way through her shell and into her heart. He was a naturally gentle man with a genuine smile and a kind heart. He told her how she was the one bright thing in this world of darkness. With a rose, he confessed her he loved her despite what she was, despite the circumstances. He loved her for her.

And Solona, young, kind and caring Solona was also _lonely. _

Her heart ate up every word, the warmth filling her body once again. A purpose to live shone through the darkness. Jowan's stinging betrayal had numbed and faded into the back of her mind.

Solona allowed herself to love again.

That was when the third and last betrayal found the young mage.

It happened at the Landsmeet.

Alistair had finally stepped up and laid claim to his true birthright. The nobles voted in his favor and Alistair would be crowned King as soon as the Archdemon had been lain to waste and the Blight ended. In order to sway the vote in his favor, Alistair had proposed that Anora, wife to the former King Marric be made queen at his side.

Alistair had approached Solona later that night. He told her that despite the fact that he had proposed to Anora, he still loved her and would until his Calling. Unfortunately, taking up the crown meant that he would be required to birth an heir. As Grey Wardens they would have been unable to have children, having been rendered nearly sterile by The Joining.

That was why he had chosen Anora. Why he had betrayed her.

The sting of Jowan's betrayal had paled in comparison to this.

Alistair had repaired her heart with loving words, kind gestures, a gentle touch.

Only to shatter it into a trillion tiny fragments.

Solona had barely heard a word.

Her world was collapsing, her vision darkening. She had recalled nodding, agreeing with Alistair that this was _probably for the best,_ directing the conversation to it's quickest end.

All she really wanted to do was run to her quarters and cry until there was nothing left. Alistair had left her feeling hollow, her throat constricted, speak barely making it's way past her throat.

Wynne had noticed, tried to comfort the pitiful woman.

Solona wouldn't have it. She would _never _let anyone close to her again.

In the days following, Solona had become a nothing but a doll. Every move was forced, every smile artificial. It was like everything was under pressure, everything so heavy that it took a tremendous effort to merely get up for the day.

How she wished, prayed, that all these heavy emotions would be striped away. Living had become a painful chore. Becoming a Tranquil was becoming more appealing everyday.

All Solona wanted was to be free of this emotion.

The opportunity came sooner then she could ever imagine.

Riordan pulled them aside the night of the Final Battle. He told them of what it took to defeat the Archdemon. One of them would have to sacrifice themselves to slay the monster.

Solona felt it then. A slight lifting of her burden. This was a way out, the light at the end of the tunnel. A way to lift all this sorrow from her heart, a way to be free.

Morrigan came to her in the night. She told Solona of a ritual that would prevent the death of the Wardens when the Archdemon was slain.

Solona refused.

If the Archdemon had to die, she would do it. Death would be an easy task after all the pain and heartbreak she had survived. It would take her to be by the Makers side, finally freed from her burden of sorrow.

She slept soundly that night, dreams of open skies found her in the Fade.

When the sword finally pierced the hide of the Archdemon and sunk in for the killing blow, Solona felt the burden lift. A light so bright encompassed her form. It would lead her away from here, but to somewhere where the skies were blue, somewhere where the pains and sorrows of life couldn't follow, somewhere where she could finally be _free. _

The darkness embraced her and for once, she felt the ability to trust in the nothingness that was death.

END

A/N: O_o that was kinda morbid. It was a strange idea I had at work and I wrote it up between taking care of my patients. I normally don't write angst stuff like this, but I was in a strange funk all night and that funk created this abomination. It was mostly prompted by the fact that when playing as the lady mage I was seemed to be screwed over at every turn. I 'had' Jowan, I lost Jowan, I had Alistair then suddenly I'm dumped when he decides to be king. Then in Dragon Age 2 there was a section on the Amells and how they got rid of their kid bc they didn't want to lose nobility status. Jerk offs. Well anyways, that's the end of my rant and such :D


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